Have you ever thought about the things that you absolutely can't tell the rest of the world? You know... strange desires, an attraction towards trees, enjoying the smell of exhaust, the inability to buy things outside of a pair... whatever your little secrets are it seems like they dig a hole deep into your heart and never get out.
Sometimes I wish I could just scream, "I ... whatever!"
Today at work I got so frustrated for a moment that I had to literally exit the building and let my frustration out. I just let myself cry. I wasn't sad I was just fed up. Everyone in my department was on edge for some reason. Who knows what we all are dealing with in our separate lives, but all together it wasn't a good mix.
Yes sometimes I wish I could just scream whatever is on my mind. Sometimes I wish I could just walk up to a woman and tell her, "Excuse me I just felt the need to tell you that you're mysteriously attractive." Sometimes I wish I could tell someone that is frustrating me to "back the hell off." Sometimes I wish I could do countless numbers of unnamed acts.
For ile, she cannot. I cannot.
I am focusing on making my life more positive. I haven't had a smoke since the 11th and I don't want one now. I think that's a good thing. Although I've been feeling ill since Monday I still have the desire to go out and experience the world. Something tells me that I need to chill, drug myself up and crash. The exhaustion is becoming ridiculous so I'm going to do this one thing: Friends, just give me some time to chill, sleep off whatever the hell is making me sick and I will join you in the real world soon.
Much love... the ile.
2 comments:
Nice post. I feel the same way myself sometimes (often times), and would generally like to just wear a shirt telling everyone to just leave me the fuck alone.
Congrats on the not smoking thing. It's one of the hardest things I ever did, stopping smoking, and I don't envy you.
Robert Riley said...
Hope you feel better soon. I know it can get crazy at that place we work. It's not just a job but a way of life.
Much love
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