Well I've lived in Seattle almost three years now. I lost my dad to liver cancer almost two years ago. I've gained nearly 23 pounds since I moved from Salt Lake City. I am completely sick of the world I live in. Actually let me say I'm sick of me. I personally need to make some changes in life.
I NEED to lose weight. It's causing havoc on the rest of my body. I used to play softball at least two nights a week and play soccer about three. Since I've moved to Seattle I've played softball once, and soccer a handful of times the end resulting with a torn tendon in my elbow. Other than that I've gone to the gym a bit, but haven't cared much about it in the past 9 months or so. I have been paying for it, but you know the old deal... too tired before work, too tired after. No time to go. Well shit... it's about damn time I make some, or I'm going to sentence myself to an early death.
I also met with my doctor on Saturday, had blood drawn (to check my thyroid issue), she doubled (yes doubled) my Paxil and ordered I get a pelvic and abdominal ultrasound after I told her of the sharp pains I've been getting near my right kidney/liver area. It scares me because my dad presented with a lot of these signs right before he was diagnosed with liver cancer. I don't want to die and I realized that in the past few months. There is so much out of life I haven't gotten. I want to go to Europe. Shit what am I saying... I want to get out of the country! I want to take the random flight to New York City to visit my friend, Jason, who i've been promising to visit for years now. I want to see the Cubs play in Wrigley while it's still there (and our company owns them). I want to be the ile that i've always wanted to be!
I know I can find some sweet woman and treat her like a princess. I feel before I think about taking on someone else into my life I must remedy the problems in my own first. I need to become more whole. I need to stop killing myself slowly.
When this time comes maybe i'll be ready to start experiencing instead of existing.
Wish me luck.
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2 comments:
Robert Riley said...
You are one of the strongest people I know and I know you can accomplish anything you put your mind to.
Your friends support you
Good luck. I can totally relate to the difficulties of getting motivated to work out and lose weight, especially if you're depressed. You'll get there. Good luck.
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