So back in November I was introduced to a new world in gaming land. I was introduced to Second Life, and boy has it been a blast. Basically it's like SIMS but every person you come across has a real life human being behind them. It's role play. It takes the introverted and helps them become anything they want to be. It takes the less than perfect people and allows them to become perfect in their own way. Me... it helped me find my human side again. It also helped me find out that I, indeed, still have a living, breathing heart trapped inside this frozen chest of mine.
I've found new friends. I've found great friends. I've found more of myself than I knew existed. I'm much like my avatar because ile Republic is actually in truth, ile gonzales. I speak the same, love the same, cry the same... am the same.
Drop about 60 pounds and you'll envision the way I want to be in real life. In-world I practice the things that I mean to work on. Things that I believed were gone are now returning to my soul. My comfort is now softer than a slab of marble.
In this virtual kind of love I have reinvented what I want to do with my life, and slowly but surely I'm making progress one day at a time.
Progress... it's the season's new accessory.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
It's been a long time coming
Well I've lived in Seattle almost three years now. I lost my dad to liver cancer almost two years ago. I've gained nearly 23 pounds since I moved from Salt Lake City. I am completely sick of the world I live in. Actually let me say I'm sick of me. I personally need to make some changes in life.
I NEED to lose weight. It's causing havoc on the rest of my body. I used to play softball at least two nights a week and play soccer about three. Since I've moved to Seattle I've played softball once, and soccer a handful of times the end resulting with a torn tendon in my elbow. Other than that I've gone to the gym a bit, but haven't cared much about it in the past 9 months or so. I have been paying for it, but you know the old deal... too tired before work, too tired after. No time to go. Well shit... it's about damn time I make some, or I'm going to sentence myself to an early death.
I also met with my doctor on Saturday, had blood drawn (to check my thyroid issue), she doubled (yes doubled) my Paxil and ordered I get a pelvic and abdominal ultrasound after I told her of the sharp pains I've been getting near my right kidney/liver area. It scares me because my dad presented with a lot of these signs right before he was diagnosed with liver cancer. I don't want to die and I realized that in the past few months. There is so much out of life I haven't gotten. I want to go to Europe. Shit what am I saying... I want to get out of the country! I want to take the random flight to New York City to visit my friend, Jason, who i've been promising to visit for years now. I want to see the Cubs play in Wrigley while it's still there (and our company owns them). I want to be the ile that i've always wanted to be!
I know I can find some sweet woman and treat her like a princess. I feel before I think about taking on someone else into my life I must remedy the problems in my own first. I need to become more whole. I need to stop killing myself slowly.
When this time comes maybe i'll be ready to start experiencing instead of existing.
Wish me luck.
I NEED to lose weight. It's causing havoc on the rest of my body. I used to play softball at least two nights a week and play soccer about three. Since I've moved to Seattle I've played softball once, and soccer a handful of times the end resulting with a torn tendon in my elbow. Other than that I've gone to the gym a bit, but haven't cared much about it in the past 9 months or so. I have been paying for it, but you know the old deal... too tired before work, too tired after. No time to go. Well shit... it's about damn time I make some, or I'm going to sentence myself to an early death.
I also met with my doctor on Saturday, had blood drawn (to check my thyroid issue), she doubled (yes doubled) my Paxil and ordered I get a pelvic and abdominal ultrasound after I told her of the sharp pains I've been getting near my right kidney/liver area. It scares me because my dad presented with a lot of these signs right before he was diagnosed with liver cancer. I don't want to die and I realized that in the past few months. There is so much out of life I haven't gotten. I want to go to Europe. Shit what am I saying... I want to get out of the country! I want to take the random flight to New York City to visit my friend, Jason, who i've been promising to visit for years now. I want to see the Cubs play in Wrigley while it's still there (and our company owns them). I want to be the ile that i've always wanted to be!
I know I can find some sweet woman and treat her like a princess. I feel before I think about taking on someone else into my life I must remedy the problems in my own first. I need to become more whole. I need to stop killing myself slowly.
When this time comes maybe i'll be ready to start experiencing instead of existing.
Wish me luck.
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