My beloved land

Returning home to NM made me realize how much I'm attracted to the world and land around me. This is where I was conceived, raised and hopefully will expire. Things in the high desert are much different than anywhere else. You can hear the sun set. You can see when the weather will come. You know when things just aren't right. Things in my beloved country are much different than they are in the rest of the world. Moving far away has helped me realize this, and at all costs... I will return here someday.
When? Who knows. Under what circumstances? Hopefully good ones, but what I've learned is I'm not in any rush to make good... bad.
Yes things have been better, but they have also been much worse. I do not look forward to that moment in which I must move miles and miles down the road, but when that time is right everything inside me will be behind my decision. One thing I am no longer afraid of is the thought of losing my job. Why fear what you don't know? If we all lived that way then none of us would leave our houses. I will work until I'm told not to and then on that day I will find something else to do.
Let it be known that fear no longer lives in the house of ile.
So be it.

Frustration Peaked

This morning I was supposed to sign a lease (which now i'm thinking... month to month) for my new place. The complex manager was all about getting me in the new place asap because she "couldn't keep a unit off the market" for even two weeks. I get a call at 9 am from the on-site manager. She always starts off her conversations with this: well i have good news and bad news.
Good news is I can start moving in as planned.
Bad news is the bathroom had sprung a leak so they had to tear up all the new carpet in the bedroom, they're re-laying the vinyl and there's still work that needs to be done on the unit. OK... I understand accidents happen, but what do the cupboard doors not being on the hinges and the faucet not being installed have to do with it? FUCK!
As if I wasn't stressed enough. So here's the deal... Rikki gets to stay in my current apartment until I get back into town on the 28th. Rikki will have nothing but his bed, my sleeping bag and his food and water to keep him company.
I just... I don't fucking get it. Have you ever met someone that just can't seem to have things go right? This is me. No matter how hard I try it seems that the shit is always stacked against me. It's frustrating. I wish there was a way out of it.
I'm sick and tired of these situations. I need to be able to live a life where things go up instead of always down.
Even when I try to be completely positive shit like this seems to happen. What in the hell did I do to the Karma police in another life to get this shit?
HEAVY SIGH.
Well I guess i'll go get dressed so I can start moving my shit into my new apartment (storage unit). FUCK!
Oh yea and that's what I found in the dining room when I got into the new place. It's not even ready to try to move into. Talk about frustrating. UGH!

My kitty helping me pack.

A long December

Last Sunday we found out that Casey Calvert of Hawthorne Heights passed away in his sleep while on tour. He's known as the screamer of the band, and a of course a guitarist. He will surely be missed.
Last night I found out an acquantance lost his wife on this past Sunday... at the age of 32. 32! I'm fuckin' 31, and not in the best shape I've ever been. I need to get more rest, exercise more and eat even better than I've been eating in my improved diet. '08 must be a year for change. God... you never know when your time is up, do ya?
My heart is with everyone that has ever lost anyone. Yes... sad, very sad.