Today...

I asked if I could have a personal day tomorrow. Something is very close to breaking, and I can't pinpoint why. I feel so tired. My soul feels so tired. I spend most of my day dealing with damn numbers, and tracking where damn spots are instead of what I'm supposed to be doing: producing. When it comes time to producing a spot my brain is so damn drained that I can't even fight for something I believe in.
I wonder if this is the end? Something really needs to change. Something needs to change badly before I break.
Another thing. All my galfriends are partnered up. It seems like every time I hang out with the group, I look around and I'm the loner. I'm a pretty private person, but you can be private without being alone. Marilyn and I have made a joke about Lowe's and the commercial where it says "you can find your partner at Lowe's." Sadly, it would be great if it was that easy. LOL. I made a joke back that i'm on the "no interest until 2009 plan," but in all reality it's probably worse than that.
I just don't get it. What does a woman have to offer someone to have any interest? I'm just totally at a loss. It's like ok... I have been losing weight and that's one of my big factors, but can a person be attractive without having the perfect body?
I guess not in Seattle. Oh well. I'll keep making jokes about being alone and I hope this one day will help me regroup before I cry at my desk again.
I'm lost. Real lost.